About Vocations/Calling

I'm starting a new book by Thomas Moore (author of NYTimes Bestseller 'Care of the Soul').
It is called A Life at Work.
Many of the things he writes about, I have thought about over the years, but it would be ideal for younger people or middle aged (maybe I am that now) who are still feeling like they 'don't know what they want to do when they grow up.'. .in fact he uses that and puts it in context, using examples from his counseling practice--working with people who are sick, addicted, depressed, or angry/unhappy about various things, and don't realize that it may involve their work.

This is interesting to me also because whenever my ex-husband and I would come to the point of unresolvable conflict and separation (3-4 times over the 28 year marriage), we'd go to counseling, he would claim that the problem was his job, and then he would change jobs and things would be okay for while, but then the cycle would repeat itself.
Moore suggests that often deep personal reflection about career choices and natural talents or desires is necessary to reveal the underlying cause for the unhappiness/illness, and then being flexible and willing to change.

He also suggests that periodic changing of careers is not bad, and is often the case of multi-talented people who --like him-- end up in counseling or advising roles with others in their later years. Moore began with intentions of being a priest, but dropped out of seminary (in his words because he was not willing to work in the 'conservative' parish atmosphere, knowing what 'liberal' theology & philosophy he had learned in seminary). He studied with the archetypal psychology folk (Hillman, a student of Jung), and now also considers himself a writer.

It is an easy read, and would be a good book for anyone who is feeling frustrated about their life, future, and struggling with depression about their job, or the judgments of others who see 'success' as having mainly to do with salaries and prestige.
Some people don't have to choose; they can have both
LM

God Thing or Coincidence?

This morning I had nothing scheduled, so I am a bit amazed at how a few things came together.
1) for months, I've collecting unwanted clothes and trying to determine the best place to drop them for someone else's use. My choices are a. to drop them at the closest DAV (DisAbled Veterans) Thrift store-- most convenient, but they re-sell. b. Find the time to sort them and take some to a Professional Women's re-sale or United Methodist Urban Ministries Clothes Closet-- also a hassle to find when they are open. c. I've been reading in the Good Shepherd Episcopal Church's newsletter about a sister church here in Wichita (close to my house) that gives away clothes, and they especially need larger women's sizes--which I have some of from the girls.. .But--again, when to find someone there to accept them?

Earlier this week, I put them all in my car's backseat, determined to drop them somewhere. Today, I went by the St. Bartholew Episcopal (St. Bart's) on S. Meridian and saw a number of cars there. so I stopped. they were glad to take them, and in the process I was able to share my theological opinion (somewhat invited) about a dilemma that I perceived they may be having: getting people in their neighborhood to 'join' an Episcopal church.. .They were having a retreat of their vestry members (leadership). . One younger woman just hugged me, and said this is definitely a 'god thing'. .that you came by today. She had been feeling similar to what I was talking about. . .and so I encouraged her to share her real feelings in the meeting-- as the Spirit was working to prompt her to bring out the truth and etc. etc. .
Plus, now I may feel more comfy visiting there myself.
1b) It was about 6 years ago this month that I visited Good Shepherd Episcopal (at the suggestion of a friend via email) and ended up getting a job within the following month--Christian Ed Director. Never had I been active or connected to an Episcopal Church, other than visiting one a couple times while in seminary.

2). .a young male waiter at the restaurant/bar (Larkspur) I've gone to several times recently for Happy Hour was in the grocery store. He had shared with me during Happy Hour time that he had been going through a 'nasty divorce'. .and I was again in a listening 'chaplain' mode.. Today he was in the grocery store aisle as I was shopping, and we both remembered each other. He said he was going to get 'the girls' later today-- and had the week-end off (after working a long week). .so that was his news. . Mine-- I didn't figure he'd relate, so I didn't even bother to share--just gave him a little advice about not expecting children ages 3 & 8 to know what they'd want to eat if he just asked. We agreed that he would have been better off just bringing them. .

so. .another thought-provoking event (for me). I had never before really expressed or read of the idea that children may not have the ability to project or 'plan' what they desire/want to eat, without seeing it. commercials on TV, radio, or driving by a restaurant would prompt their decision, but doubtful their stomachs or brains would reason what they want. .
what do you think?. .what is your experience? children may not be as picky as we make them.

I remember that we thought Eleanor should have a variety, because she'd get tired of eating the same thing all the time (as we do). .when she was first eating baby food.. .
in the end, I think she would have been willing to eat a constant diet of sweet potatoes, if that is all we had ..
of course, that would not be balanced, but heck-- food is food, if it satisfies a baby's hunger. . .and the same probably applies for anyone that is hungty. Rice or beans. .or fish-- everyday of the week is okay if you are hungry and that is all there is to eat. Perhaps--Only mothers think that they must be creative and have an obligation to fix some kind of a variety. Maybe we are bored of preparing the same-o-same -0. .
Just some thoughts.
LM

Spring is for ???

Each year I wonder if nature is really more prolific than the last, or if I'm just noticing it more. Here in Wichita, every kind of blooming tree is in bloom at the same time, and the ones that don't bloom are turning green also. The tulips are near perfect. There has been no hail or high winds to make things look ragged, like some years. It is near picture perfect. and so. . .if it doesn't storm tonight perhaps I should go out tomorrow and get some pictures. I have nothing better to do. .might stop at the Farm and Art Market also. .

Redbuds and lilacs and crabapples and pear trees. Bright pink crepe mytrles. Flowering red quince along the highways. Spring is so important to remind us that no dark night (or winter) lasts forever. Just as the moon rises each night, and the sun comes up. . so too the trees and bugs and birds return.
The wallpaper border I chose for my living room has butterflies and bulbs and flowers. .
there is a simple and beautiful contemporary church ballad: in the bulb there is a flower, in the seed an apple tree .
and yet, sadly, in many places around this world there are no trees due to deforestation. This is something I am just learning about in my work. And people are actually going without enough food to eat. It is difficult to imagine what life would be without an education or being able to read or write.
I spent about a week in Haiti last summer. Although the area I visited was not the slum of Port au Prince, the people still have to walk blocks to the community water spigot along side the road, and often wash their clothes (an extra set or 2) right there--probably without soap. They always appear to be very clean. I can't say what really made the strongest impression me, except for the fact that even where the people were bathing and washing their clothes in the polluted river near where it emptied into the bay, there was nothing that smelled bad. In the heat of summer, people did not seem to perspire or have body odor. And yet, I did not smell strong smells of nature either. as I recollect that important week in my life, there are many things to make me think. . This week-end I will be polishing and submitting my resume' and letter of introduction to the board of directors, nearly 2 years after I first applied for the job of President and was not selected. Now they have invited me to apply again. Life is good. LM

The Value of Venting -- to friends

At lunch yesterday I was apologizing to friends who work in another non-profit about how pitiful some of my attitudes are at times about my work-- because I really am passionate about the work---but a few people (or even just one, sometimes) can sour that experience for a day, or a week. .or make your life miserable for about a month. . But I can't imagine any other work place I'd rather be.

You can't imagine how good I felt when one wise older woman said: that's what venting is for!. .You've gotta have friends to vent to, if not we'd just explode!. .. we laughed. .

yes. . and we have to laugh at ourselves too. . I've found that is what happy hours should really be all about. . not just to bitch and be angry about work. . .but to get past that. .and forget it, so that the next day you can go back in and begin all over again.
If you don't imbibe. .then at least find some friends that you can have a different kind of happy hour with. . . do what you enjoy doing most. . .a book review (I have a good friend that invites me to that occasionally). . a concert. .or a play.

my new-found volunteer role in the Wichita Community Theatre has already proven to be a good 'outlet' also.. .more on that another day/blog.
thanks for listening/reading. LM

I can't believe I wrote that whole thing. .

as the old commercial goes: I can't believe I ATE the whole thing. .
I really went off last night. . but that's what this blog is all about. . . expressing my thoughts and feelings on things. .even tho they may not be really well organized or rational at the time. .they are to 'make you think'. .just as I was thinking about something--perhaps from a new perspective-- and invite you to think, and comment if you like.
I don't care if you don't agree with me. . but I would like to hear from you--either way.
my purpose is not to begin a debate. .but perhaps a dialogue or discussion. .
today, I actually might write something quite different about the same event-- looking at it from another POV.

Legislating Morality

I borrow this title from my days of diversity training. It was coins to convey that we can't make laws that will magically change people into creatures who want to treat others fairly. As the 'Equal Opportunity Employer' dilemma continues to rage, and people try to use the courts to seek 'justice'. .when fairness just can't be meted out in a judicial decree. Justice is as simple as how we treat people-- and if we would treat them the same if we stop and try to feel their pain.

As a mother of 3, and one who would be considered liberal by many people (something that was partly the cause of my decision to divorce after 28 years), it grieves me to see the media coverage of the Texas 'polyamist sect' that has drawn so much attention in recent weeks. I just spent 30 minutes viewing the video on Yahoo!, and seeing the same captions repeated over and over. The media is mystified and enamored with the appearance of the natural-looking women in their ankle-length dresses, long braided hair, and practical shoes. no make-up, and no jewelry, but they somehow don't look 'normal' ---- or natural. The men, on the other hand, have no such other-worldly characteristics. Why do they not set themselves apart in the way THEY dress or wear their hair? They could be wearing all black, or kilts, or priestly robes, sandals & sackcloth--or stove-pipe hats or something to set them apart. . Why do they choose to blend into the society? Is it the women's decision or the men's expectation that the women don't cut their hair or even let their wrists show?

Who can imagine gardening in a dress?

I wonder how different these people are from the Amish and Mennonites who live in central Kansas and Pennsylvania. Many choose to home-school their children, remain self-sufficient on their farms, raise larger families than the US average and consider their religious preference their right under the American Constitution.

OR, what if we were to round up the children who are legitimate victims of abusive urban homes, remove them to shelters and herd and parade their parents in front of the TV cams as they were getting required DNA tests?. .who came up with that decision. .and why?. what will the state do with or for them once their determine their parentage?

I am the first person to stand up and say that 'abuse' must be named and corrected, in order for later generations not to repeat the cycle. I have been an advocate for victims' rights for years-- but right now I identify most strongly with the mothers whose children have been torn from their sides. The majority of the parents were most likely people with good intentions seeking the safety and security of a group of people who already felt victims of the current society.
Are they thinking people? what is their average education and IQ? Do they hold jobs in the outside world to support the YFZ Ranch?

How does one explain to so many children that their parents commited a crime. .and that is why they were born? How will psychologists be able to trace the long-term effects of an over-zealous police state? Is this just another symptom of facism?. . when will we learn that the 'laws' are not protecting the innocent, and they are not representing the wisdom of the prophets?
I will not proof-text as many doomsday evangelists are no-doubt doing. . but how can we see the will of God or the work of the Holy Spirit in such activity? LM

Hanging planters

I have been pricing hanging planters since the week-end; since planting flowers in the ground with the renter's dogs Brewster & Jasmine is not a practical idea, I'll enjoy blooms now, and hopefully I can choose well so that they will stay healthy throughout the summer.

At the grocery store today, I saw low-priced baskets (lower than Ace Hardware) of something that looks like a fine petaled mum. .I thought mums were fall flowers!. .the leaves, tho, are not mum leaves. .it must be some kind of daisy that spreads..the flowers were a nice pink, or yellow.
anyway. .
since I don't want to talk about work all the time. . this is my current quest.. . suitable flowers.

Now. .I'm off to use a coupon at ACE hardware, and then I'll have enough money left over to buy the different one at Dillons too!
LM

Change is good

My kids know that I've always embraced change--much more than the average person, I'd say.. .from re-arranging the furniture, to seeing the opportunities of new jobs, of moving to new places. Taking risks and learning or trying new approaches (not necessarily into bungee jumping type 'different' risk-taking tho). .
This year, I have had to resist the 'change is good' attitude a bit; I have remained in a job that I might have previously left due to the conflict--not due to the great pay and benefits, but I guess because I felt there might be long-term value in staying. Today, I had the opportunity to make my case to assume the leadership role, as a result of the default of the board's search process for a new president.. .I have done a considerable re-assessment, and don't know what the future will bring but I will definitely be an advocate for change.
however, earlier this spring, I thought that changing my living situation might be the right thing to do. Since I am experiencing empty nest, I explored the fleeting thought of moving to an apartment. However, after some assessment about WHY I was wanting to do that, I reconsidered. So, I remain a home owner, and landlord--for now.
Haven't had the desire to to back to school. But an eventual move to Mexico, and living as an ex-pat has seemed appealing at times.
I think I'll try the Community Theatre 'therapy' approach first. If that doesn't satisfy my desire for something new. .who knows what I'll try next?
LM

. . .Later that evening

perhaps you noticed that the earlier post was done at 3:40 a.m.. .It's been one of those days. wake up in the middle of the night with so many things going through your head that you can't sleep. .so. .get up; coffee; early to office. .coffee;. .ideas. .action. ..caffeine; appointments. .still many good ideas. Will I ever calm down?. .
still good things happening all day. . and a happy hour planned with co-worker.
what a great time at my favorite restaurant in Old Town-- Larkspur, where they have a 79-year old pianist who plays everything from classics to Gershwin (my request). . other musicals. .He claims to have made his living in NY accompanying auditions, etc.. . and playing even in Juneau AK. .the service tonight was absolutely great!. . a waiter with a great personality. It was the perfect end to a pretty darn good day.. . and now. . I hope I can sleep all night long. . for a day with only one appointment on the calendar-- but a significant one.
more about that tomorrow evening. LM

Different thinking patterns

Up earlier than usual, with plenty on my mind. For a small non-profit office, sometimes opportunities come quickly, and it seems they are urgent, and must be acted on without delay. But working with a volunteer board of directors can often become problematic, if they :
1) are in a power struggle
2) try to avoid conflict
3) don't have enough information
4) don't realize the responsibility they have signed on to (in addition to their own jobs)
5) act too much out of emotion, or reason. ..without a good balance
6) are patriarchial and don't understand how women or people of color think --often indirectly, or in circular; most men & white business professionals are linear thinkers. .

how to strike a balance. .without having to give them a patronizing lesson in gender differences--or different learning/thinking styled-- that is the challenge.

I learned this over the years, even by watching my children; they are mostly linear thinkers; science & engineering majors.. .the world of science reasons completely opposite from the social/human relations/ liberal arts???

Of course, this same issue crops up in every classroom, when a student feels that the teacher 'doesn't understand them'. .or doesn't listen to them.. .If empathy or understanding is not there, but only expectations of doing it the way the teacher wants. .then there will be a disconnect. It should be the responsibility of the more mature person to be empathetic.. .
Daniel Goleman's books on Emotional Intelligence and later Social Intelligence explain both the anecdotal, rational and brain chemistry research that is behind how and why children can develop the important characteristic (or do not) of empathy.. .
In my opinion, it could be a major factor in teaching conflict resolution and violence prevention. In fact, I noticed that an organization in Canada recently got a grant for teaching Empathy. .that has been a premise that I have pondered on since the late 1990's when I was in seminary.. .
more to come. .stay tuned.

Tuesday, at the office

Today at work I learned that Wichita State has an excellent reputation for the Co-operative Education/Intern program they have built. I was happy to claim that Darrin, my son now 37, was a beneficiary of that program, and is still in the company that he interned with as an aeronautical engineering student. A couple 'small world' stories came about today also. The WSU employee who sat on my left was the head of the computer science department, and I was able to tell him that my son-in-law is now living & working in Wisconsin.. .He said that Chris was famous in their department--one of their 'best' students. . very bright...... so now we know.

Our new intern from WSU, Eric, began work today, and created his first piece of graphic art. He tells me that the first thing they say is important to learn is to not be too sensitive to criticism (about one's work). . a wise young man. .to have retained that of all the lessons he has learned .. .
I'm impressed.

My 80-year old Sr. Work Experience worker, Eleanor Parsons, enjoyed knowing that I also have the email address of her former pastor & wife who she had lost touch with. Seems that our org-- Alternative Gifts Intl.-- is one of the favorites of that former pastor.. .

US Income Tax day

Last evening I received an email from a friend comparing the 1999 (Clinton years) tax rates with the current tax. .so it is obvious that the Bush /republicans are all about cutting taxes. . What should probably be compared now is the national deficit from 1999 to now, and how much difference our few thousand dollars per family would make a dent in that.
What have we given up or lost in the process? Maybe it's too soon to tell. .but in another bit of 'news' I heard this morning on NPR -- a bit more humorous-- or perhaps they relate-- was the story of how the investment behaviors of traders have to do with testosterone levels.-- risk-taking, aggression.
The summary: it would be better --more balanced-- if there were more women and older men in the stock market!
I like that.
Once I figure out how put such links in this blog, I will share such stories with all of you--so you can read them too.
LM

An interesting Monday at the office

Ever have one of those days when you just think something (good). .and it happens?
For me, I like to think that is proof that I am 'in tune with the Universe'. .

With the non-profit office being in transition (boy are there stories galore from the past year) after the 80-year old founder plans to retire-- many possibilities exist for future staffing & programming. Plans are being made for a conference in Chicago of college coordinators who have been planners for Alternative Gift Markets, the events where about 70% of the funds we raise is generated.
Mid April is also the time when we are in the important stages of formatting (writing & layout) the catalog, which also provides the text for the website.
This evening was a meeting with one board member and the interim president.
I don't have photos that are nearly as interesting as the children who are on these cute blogs, but this my work is also what helps make the world turn (and I do love to see the pictures of my own granddaughter on her mom & dad's blog).
again. .
see www.alternativegifts.org

In the beginning

Every story has to have a beginning. .a context.
I've always said that I wanted to write a book. perhaps this will be the practice I need to do so. I currently do journal, and have several regular email friends, as well as family communication, since my daughters are no longer living in nearby.

And,. .so. . .Spring is a time for new beginnings. .so why not a new blog?

hopefully I can keep this as a daily communication with new-found friends, as well as family.
LM