What is that they say about when one door closes?. .well. .the big door of what was the center of my life slammed shut on me on 3/3/2010. .about 4 years to the day that I had my last termination letter in the first week in March.. .
I always seemed to have my highs and lows in February, so I guess this year is no exception. AGI is now a past employer on my resume'. That might be a reminder to all those who think they are doing a good job in their work. . not everyone thinks so. .
so when you are not your own boss, they get the last word.
what is next?
find a few new friends/colleagues-- or maybe look up some old ones.
maybe continue in non-profit but not as the top dog?. .I'll let the buck stop on someone's desk.
maybe I really am better as a 'support' person. . maybe. .
maybe there is some place in Wichita that needs a person just like me right away. .and therefore the universe is making way. .right now.
a little time will tell.
in the meantime. .I'm trying to get over the pity party and get on to thinking about new beginnings.. .
there are so many things that could be beginning right now.. . too many to name. .so I'll quit looking over my shoulder. . in a day or 2.
I need to take a few days to grieve right now.
thanks for stopping to read this life journey. . LM
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Three generations at new home
No one said it would be easy.
Since Christmas, the newness is wearing off, and we are finding our different preferences again. Besides Andrea having to deal with the stress of being an at-home mom, with boredom and frustration being the most frequent enemy. It is not like I can't relate. I do recall the long days while the bread-winner was at work.
Learning how to use better adult-to-adult communication and applying good conflict resolution techniques is what I always thought was the deficit in my marriage and early parenting years. I did take parenting classes and read a lot of books to reflect on my own feelings & behavior. I wonder if that is something that is not the norm?
I wonder if I will be able to apply some of the pastoral care skills I learned? Active listening was something I heard in marriage counseling, but it never seemed to 'stick'. I wonder why. I guess it takes all/both sides being willing to practice and have the goal of strengthening the relationship.
LM
Since Christmas, the newness is wearing off, and we are finding our different preferences again. Besides Andrea having to deal with the stress of being an at-home mom, with boredom and frustration being the most frequent enemy. It is not like I can't relate. I do recall the long days while the bread-winner was at work.
Learning how to use better adult-to-adult communication and applying good conflict resolution techniques is what I always thought was the deficit in my marriage and early parenting years. I did take parenting classes and read a lot of books to reflect on my own feelings & behavior. I wonder if that is something that is not the norm?
I wonder if I will be able to apply some of the pastoral care skills I learned? Active listening was something I heard in marriage counseling, but it never seemed to 'stick'. I wonder why. I guess it takes all/both sides being willing to practice and have the goal of strengthening the relationship.
LM
Friday, December 25, 2009
Holiday traditions & Not
It seems to me that once a person chooses to divorce, they may find themselves losing touch with the family traditions. .or is it perhaps a choice to do so? If I had to categorize myself, I would probably not use the word 'traditional.'. .In fact, as a change-agent, of sorts, I may be the bane of traditionalists.. .I like change. .I like learning and doing different things and differently. Sometimes I wonder if my family thinks badly of me for that.
To me, traditions sometimes equal 'boring', even emotionally painful .but I do try very hard to respect other peoples' need for honoring traditions. Some traditions are very good. .especially to provide feelings of security for children.
On the other hand, hearing the phrase 'but, we always do/ have done it that way!'. .just makes me cringe-- especially in a church or volunteer setting. It is also the basis for many a good sit-com stereotype of grandparents or in-laws. Being tied to tradition, just for the sake of tradition could be what keeps our world from moving toward peace; it can certainly delay conflict resolution. sometimes it is just plain neurotic!
so. . this Christmas is proving to be another example of non-tradition. no tree. no Christmas Eve worship, no dinner with the family. It can wait. That is not simply due to divorce. It is a part of honoring my married childrens' decisions about how they want to (or choose to) spend their holidays. I wonder how many people feel that they must do the family 'traditional' thing, even though they don't enjoy them any longer? Perhaps it is time to 'let go' of the obligations that were implied by well-meaning parents and allow each person and new couple find their own traditions. I hope that is not seen as a bad thing. LM
To me, traditions sometimes equal 'boring', even emotionally painful .but I do try very hard to respect other peoples' need for honoring traditions. Some traditions are very good. .especially to provide feelings of security for children.
On the other hand, hearing the phrase 'but, we always do/ have done it that way!'. .just makes me cringe-- especially in a church or volunteer setting. It is also the basis for many a good sit-com stereotype of grandparents or in-laws. Being tied to tradition, just for the sake of tradition could be what keeps our world from moving toward peace; it can certainly delay conflict resolution. sometimes it is just plain neurotic!
so. . this Christmas is proving to be another example of non-tradition. no tree. no Christmas Eve worship, no dinner with the family. It can wait. That is not simply due to divorce. It is a part of honoring my married childrens' decisions about how they want to (or choose to) spend their holidays. I wonder how many people feel that they must do the family 'traditional' thing, even though they don't enjoy them any longer? Perhaps it is time to 'let go' of the obligations that were implied by well-meaning parents and allow each person and new couple find their own traditions. I hope that is not seen as a bad thing. LM
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
I am still thinking
that I should not write/publish what I'm really thinking. perhaps it is paranoia. maybe it's 'better judgment'. .but MAYBE. .somehow, some things are better left unsaid . .unpublished . .at some times.
this is a strange new thought for someone has often believed her calling was that to be a change-agent/prophetic voice/advocate for the oppressed.
Have I been beat down by the system?. .is this how the historic oppressive systems kept the well-educated people 'in their place'? Fear to speak out, to be seen as 'crazy' or obsessive or irrational or over-emotional. Is the 'fire in my belly' just an ulcer that has been caused by caring too much about the principles of honesty and reason and believing in possibility.
I have been referred to the book: The Innovator's Dilemma. perhaps there will be some answers there. Stand by. I'll report back.
this is a strange new thought for someone has often believed her calling was that to be a change-agent/prophetic voice/advocate for the oppressed.
Have I been beat down by the system?. .is this how the historic oppressive systems kept the well-educated people 'in their place'? Fear to speak out, to be seen as 'crazy' or obsessive or irrational or over-emotional. Is the 'fire in my belly' just an ulcer that has been caused by caring too much about the principles of honesty and reason and believing in possibility.
I have been referred to the book: The Innovator's Dilemma. perhaps there will be some answers there. Stand by. I'll report back.
Saturday, November 14, 2009
It's all in the timing
I really do believe that, and as I get nearer to my ability to retire, I have been realizing that God's timing is really so much more reliable than when I try to make things happen. Case in point: I've been looking for a house to buy for at least 6 months.. .for months we thought we wanted to remain in the neighborhood where I now rent. However, it is a quaint place with houses that date back to the 1920's. .now, after looking at dozens, I have concluded that I really don't have the knowledge or ability to keep one of these older homes up.. .so, in another neighborhood, built in the 60's, with a school for Ellie nearby, and plenty of shopping within walking distance, a house was found to meet our expectations.. .so. now, we are in the waiting period to the 'closing date' about Dec. 18.
it will be a house large enough to have 4 generations, if we wanted; large garden, so we will be forced to grow our own veggies, and a nice yard for Ellie and other children to play in.
I am amazing myself realizing that I am becoming the grandmother I never expected to be. Three-year-old Eleanor has changed my entire outlook on life. It will be precious to watch her grow up, like my parents did not get to do with my children. We are fortunate that they are still around to see their great- and great-great grandchildren, at the time we were destined to follow the road to find a job in the city, and leave the parents in the small towns of our childhood.
that is common among so many baby-boomers I know. . now some are returning to their roots, and others are still searching for the search for happiness in financial success that that illusive 'good job' promises.
And so. .as I speak of timing, I am reflecting on timing in various ways. .
decisions, for one.
some of them are risky. .ones that others can not see as rational. .some people may be envious that I have a family that would want to reside in a 3-generation household by choice. It does not seem so common around here. But, we know that some of the pioneer families of old raised several generations in one house-- but perhaps not by choice. I believe there will be many advantages to this decision. financial, for one. It seems that sharing the costs of a household is a better way to use our resources than each family feeling they must have complete privacy. I've found that such privacy also comes with isolation and even loneliness. .so, in a few years, if I decide this was not the best decision, there will still be options for us.
in the meantime, we intend to leave the house we are buying 'better than we found it., The house needs a family that can give it some TLC, and we do have that to offer. LM
it will be a house large enough to have 4 generations, if we wanted; large garden, so we will be forced to grow our own veggies, and a nice yard for Ellie and other children to play in.
I am amazing myself realizing that I am becoming the grandmother I never expected to be. Three-year-old Eleanor has changed my entire outlook on life. It will be precious to watch her grow up, like my parents did not get to do with my children. We are fortunate that they are still around to see their great- and great-great grandchildren, at the time we were destined to follow the road to find a job in the city, and leave the parents in the small towns of our childhood.
that is common among so many baby-boomers I know. . now some are returning to their roots, and others are still searching for the search for happiness in financial success that that illusive 'good job' promises.
And so. .as I speak of timing, I am reflecting on timing in various ways. .
decisions, for one.
some of them are risky. .ones that others can not see as rational. .some people may be envious that I have a family that would want to reside in a 3-generation household by choice. It does not seem so common around here. But, we know that some of the pioneer families of old raised several generations in one house-- but perhaps not by choice. I believe there will be many advantages to this decision. financial, for one. It seems that sharing the costs of a household is a better way to use our resources than each family feeling they must have complete privacy. I've found that such privacy also comes with isolation and even loneliness. .so, in a few years, if I decide this was not the best decision, there will still be options for us.
in the meantime, we intend to leave the house we are buying 'better than we found it., The house needs a family that can give it some TLC, and we do have that to offer. LM
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